Monday, February 25, 2013

Healing Your Heart and the Bachelor


My friend Abby comes over every Monday night and we watch the Bachelor.  We call it Trash Monday because basically that's what it is.  It's our guilty pleasure.  And I know the whole premise of the show is absurd...25 of one sex on one of the other.  It's weird and unnatural.  

Tonight took an unexpected turn and became a little serious for me.  Sean (bachelor) has narrowed the field to three: AshLee, Catherine and Lindsay....each a little dippier than the next.  Each with a sad story:  AshLee was supposedly abandoned as a child and then adopted, married at 17 and then divorced shortly after.  Her preacher adoptive father signed off on that, btw.  Catherine's father isn't in the picture and suffers from depression.  Lindsay's dad is in the military and had to go to war when she was in high school.  Daddy issue after daddy issue....

They all say varied versions of whiney "Oooooooh Muyyyyyyyyy Gooooooodddddddds" and "Youuuuure soooooo cuuuuuuuutes."

During this show, Sean has said several times how he needs a woman to need him and wants to be a protector.

For some reason, this makes me think of that scene in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days when Matthew McConaughey's character wants the opposite of that.  Ha!

Anyway, long story short, Sean takes AshLee into a dark water cave because she's basically a control freak and he wants her to, "let go and latch on to him for protection."  I immediately resented him for saying this.  Another reoccurring theme from Sean.  And since when is weakness attractive?  And btw, who wouldn't be freaked out by that dark water cave???

What's even worse is after they are out of the cave and all gooey on a blanket and in love again, it cuts to a monologue of AshLee saying he's her soul mate and he's "absolutely healed her heart."  

Pathetic.  I have to stop watching this show!

Are there really this many girls out there who have this "syndrome?"  I'm not saying let's all get our bras and go burn them, but I am saying, let's get a grip on our lives and take charge of what is going on in them.  There's no rule that says you can't be strong and independent and in a healthy relationship.  It's not either/or one or the other.  You can be strong and independent AND have a healthy relationship.  I do not understand why Sean and other men do not understand that.

As a woman who has suffered a heartbreak of her own, I know first hand that the only, only, ONLY person who can heal your heart is you and God.  

I feel sad for AshLee because, well, he put her through all that cave nonsense and then gave her the boot.  So, for example, she decided he "healed" her heart and then he broke it.

You cannot rely on anyone else for your own happiness because if you do, odds are, you will never be happy.  They will always let you down and they will resent you for putting them in that position.  I'm not saying, it's not ok to be happy with someone.  Of course you should be happy with people!  I'm saying don't rely 100% on others for your own happiness.  It's a burden on them and honestly, who wants that responsibility.  For example, I love to make Mark happy but if I was his one and only source of happiness, we'd both be miserable because I would fail.  And vice versa.  

And finally, if someone feeds you the line, "You make me want to be a better man."  Run.  Run fast and run hard in the opposite direction.  If that actually is the case, then they will be that person and there would be no need to verbalize it.  If someone says this to you, it's because they are feeling guilty about something they have done and they are trying to overcompensate for it to you and reassure themselves.  

Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.  Proverbs 4:23

So what are your thoughts?  Am I right or wrong?


  1. You're completely correct. If you have to rely on another human being to "fix" you, then a relationship is never going to work.

    In regard to being weak, however, I will say that there is something to be said for having the ability to be vulnerable. Should every girl need a "protector", not necessarily, but if you cannot be at your weakest around someone that you say you love, then it might be time to reconsider the person you're with, or yourself.

    The best advice I ever received, was that a relationship is not 50/50, because you will both hardly ever be completely even at 50/50. There will be days when I'm a 30 and I need Kyle to be 70, and vice versa. And that's what a real relationship's not me being a 30 and Kyle saying, sorry, I can only give 50, you're going to have to figure the rest out on your own.

    But yes, if a girl says something along the lines of "you heal my heart"...the guy should run. If a guy says "I want to be a better person because of you"...the girl should likewise flee.

  2. I want the birthday blogs for March! Love Mom

  3. Amen sista! Agree with it all.